The nerve of some people

Grrr... I'd like my neighborhood, if it weren't for the people who live in it.

Does anybody else live in neighborhoods where it's OK to switch your garbage can full of stinking, slimy garbage with someone else's because you missed the trash pickup? Apparently I do.

After bringing back my son from the doctor (yup, it was another one of THOSE days) I found my garbage can in the street. Not far away, but kinda at an odd angle (we have very orderly garbage men who always seem to put back the trash cans in neat little rows). In any case, as I tried to wheel it into my garage I was assaulted by a horrible smell. I peered into the can and, sure enough, there was a rotting bag of garbage. And by rotting, I mean liquefied. And there were two bags of dog poo. I don't have a dog.

Who the hell does that, anyway....

A little R & B after some R & R

No need to reinvent anything - they got it right the first time.

Taking a night off

I did it. I took a night off. Mostly. I did check some email and worked on a figure for a review, but I actually went to bed on time. I didn't spend the night tweaking a personal statement or editing some random text. And it felt good.

I guess I needed a break from my self-imposed marathon to help refocus and reconnect with my family. Lately I've kinda felt like I've just been in the same room with them thinking my "great" thoughts. Or worrying how I'll be able to get everything done.

While I've been productive, I came to the realization that if I didn't start getting at least 5 hours of sleep soon it really wouldn't matter - no matter what I achieved, there's no chance in hell I'd be able to sustain it, much less be happy in life.

I'm not sure if this is sad or not, but while my PI is out of town, I feel myself giving myself a ton more peptalks to keep myself motivated.



The funny thing is that I actually don't interact with him all that much, maybe once a week when he asks if everything is going well. Usually in the bathroom. Not always at the sink... Essentially he's handed the reins over to me and wants to see what I can do. And I don't want to let him, or my family down. So I talk to myself in traffic. Sure, the people in the car next to me may ask themselves if they should be getting a little padded room ready for me. But I pump myself up, get ready to take on the world, or anything that gets in my way. I've got the tools to succeed, and dammit I'm going to make it.

And when I get to work I listen to music.



As the most senior lab member, I still get derailed by the usual crap (we need X done immediately, if not sooner), but I do it with much more authority while he's gone. I've also been told I look perpetually pissed off, but hey that just comes with the turf, I suppose. And if it gets people off my back, all the better. Just practicing for when I hit the big time, I suppose....

Post hump day pep talk

So, Although I think I'm in pretty good shape for my impending academic job search, I've come to realize that I'm not quite where I should be. Yes, I have my CV written. My PhD advisor taught me to keep it constantly updated and ready should it be needed, and even in my tender years I say the wisdom in her teachings. After all, chance favors the prepared mind....

I even finished a draft of a teaching statement based of an example someone was kind enough to give me. Although it's in a different discipline, I figure teaching is teaching.... And I'm retooling a mentored career grant for my research statement.

So I should be set, right?

No. Because I've got a hang up. I'm having a hard time asking for help/mentoring. I've always been a DIY, low-maintenance kinda guy, and I always feel awkward handing of drafts that are far from perfect. I never considered myself a perfectionist, but I do like to make a good impression.

So, as I embark upon what may be the most important six months of my career, I gotta take my advice from Risky Business (and perhaps date myself more than I'd like to admit)....

I officially suck

After all my promises to keep blogging through the pain of grant applications, research and other job responsibilities, I failed. Failed to not only write about my experiences, but also failed in keeping some semblance of sanity.

While I feel guilty about it, I didn't know what else to do. I was (and to some degree am still) so burned out that I simply couldn't wrap my brain around the concept of writing in my free time. Hell, I'd be happy if I could sleep in my "free time."

But I'm attempting to turn the page and move on. Partially because I think putting my thoughts down will be therapeutic, but mainly because I feel more in control now. I still have a shit-ton of work to do, and my list of things to do keeps growing. But at least I am able to complete some items and check them off the list.

Part of my attitude change comes from dividing my projects into smaller pieces so I'm able to pat myself on the back when I get something done. While that may be a somewhat telling of my psyche right now, I gotta do what I gotta do. And crossing things off a list feels a hell of a lot better than having a list that includes things like 1) put together job application portfolio, 2)write a K99, 3) finish a book chapter 4) write two review articles, 5) do cool research.

I'm now happy with simply getting an outline on paper. Finishing a draft. Sending documents out for others to review. Small, incremental steps though they may be, at least I'm moving forward.