Paternity Leave

I just received a notice from the National Postdoc Association detailing a postdoc's guide to paternity leave, and I was forced to reflect back to my experiences and ask a few questions.

My first child was born during my last year in grad school. Not the best timing, but occasionally a goal slips by the keeper... In any case, my adviser was.... well let's just say less than supportive. Expletives ensued as well as me answering why "this always happened to them." By the end of the discussion I talked them off of the metaphoric ledge they were about to jump from, mainly by mentioning that I had plans to graduate and this wouldn't change anything (other than me being a lot more tired). Flash forward 6-9 months to me writing my thesis at 4am with a baby strapped to my chest, screaming hysterically (he started teething at 4 months). This was the period where I discovered that drinking whiskey was not just something for "really old people" to do and I learned to sleep while standing up on a moving subway train. I took all of two weeks off (I was entitled to 6 months).

Second child was much better. I was in a different lab with a very different family vibe. I still only took a couple of weeks off, but I knew that my schedule could be as flexible as needed. I got emails and phone calls making sure my wife and the baby were OK. And I was told NOT to come to work. I still didn't get much sleep, but it seemed much easier with the second, until he got older. #2 is now a hell-raiser and I don't think my wife or I could handle another child, but I think that's a different discussion entirely.

My questions are as follows:
1) What are people's perceptions of paternity leave? A sign of weakness in the current generation or a sign of parental involvement? I'd argue for the latter, but I'd like to hear the opinion of others.

2) How much time would you take off? In my case I only took 2 weeks both times, but I was entitled to 6 months (paid) at both institutions. On the flip side, I know my father's generation had to go to work ASAP, but I'd also argue that his generation was much less involved in parenting and raising a baby than I was.

3) Was I a sucker for not taking what I was entitled? I'd argue that taking it as a postdoc would be problematic (my publication record is weak as it is), but it probably wouldn't have hurt anything as a grad student (assuming that my relationship with my PI was not forever ruined).

This IS a job, dagnabbit!

I finally realized why I'm struggling in my current career stage. I keep wondering when I will start my "real job."

When did I start thinking of a postdoc as less than a job? Yes, it's an apprenticeship of sorts, but terming it "not a real job" belittles the learning experiences I'm having, the skills I'm picking up, the independence I'm developing.

Which is why, when I didn't land a tenure-track job my first go-around, I felt like crap. Like a failure. Like I was damaged goods that could never succeed....

But you know what? I'm tired of thinking that way. I have a hell of a lot more options than most people I know. I don't have to worry too much about unemployment, and "underemployment" as a postdoc still pays really well. Bottom line: my career is advancing, and although I may not know where it's eventually going to lead, I'm going to do my damndest to enjoy the ride. Because it's heading somewhere great, even if it is unknown.

So there. I will now turn back to the positive person I used to know and forget about any self-doubt. I will still identify points of weakness, but focus more on ways to improve them. I will enjoy the time I have with my family, the walks I have in nature. I will stop obsessively worrying about what I will be doing in the Fall - I know I will be doing something great.

That is what I need right now - to enjoy the ride, to improve the view. I'll keep holding the reigns, but loosely....

The Academic Mob is guiding my career

A recent post by A Natural Scientist got me thinking about my inability to steer away from academia.

Every time I set my mind to an "alternate" career path, someone from academia comes along and makes me an offer I can't refuse. Why do they keep pulling me back?



Example: I decide there is no hope of me getting a tenure track job (yup, my applications last season were THAT well received). Then, within the course of two weeks 1) I get offered a very nice academic postdoc ($50k + benefits), 2) chat with arguably the top 5 names in my field, who offer to pass around my CV, 3)start a dream collaboration, meaning I get to do EXACTLY the kind of interdisciplinary work I would want to do as a faculty member, but didn't have the means to do until now, and 4) get approached for a research assistant prof. job at another institution (verbal, nothing formalized and contingent on funding).

I mean, really? I can't make this stuff up.

And of course, each time it happens I get warm fuzzy feelings of belonging as hope returns that I can someday become a professor. But then, as always, the feeling wears off and I start doubting. Then, invariably, once I reach a crossroad and plan to turn away from academia, another opportunity comes along. Then it starts all over. Rinse and repeat, career PCR as the cycle starts all over again.

I almost wonder if the promise of an academic career is like a drug and that I am just an addict who can't see the reality of what's going on. Are these opportunities or distractions?

Only time will tell, but my hair is graying rapidly, my joints are creaking, and my kids are growing like weeds. In other words, I sure as hell don't feel like I have a ton of time before I obtain a real job....

ARRRGGGGHHH!!! I hate indecision! All I want is to feel like I'm in control of my career choices....

Working parents and fieldtrips

I love the daycare center that my youngest son attends, but I'm annoyed by one practice.

Whenever they have fieldtrips we, as parents, are required to provide chaperones for our wee ones. I have no problem with this policy and think that it makes a lot of sense. My problem is that we feel like we are looked down upon for not being able to provide a chaperone or take off of work.

As in "Ummm, since you son is the ONLY student not going on the fieldtrip, I'm not totally sure where he'll be when you pick him up. But he'll be here somewhere...."

Excuse me? ONLY one not going? Did you really need to point that out to us? We can't help it if my wife made the decision to actually have a career or that we moved across the country so I might someday get a real job.

I can only imagine how single parents must feel. As if it were somehow their fault. Or that they were somehow incompetent as parents. You know what? Parents do the best they can and don't need hints that they could be doing better. 'Cause the good parents have the whole guilt thing covered and the bad parents ain't listening.

OK. I'm stepping off my soapbox and digging back into this meaty grant for the lab. Too bad I won't be around when it's funded.

PS. I think it's time for decaf.....