On the Newtown Conneticut school shooting

I have so many questions that I won't even begin to ask them here. Instead, I will express my deepest sympathy to everyone and anyone involved.

And I made a point of hugging my children extra hard and vowing to always make time for them.

The link is to one of the most powerful songs I've ever heard, as well as the story behind the song.. I apologize for not being able to write more, but honestly all I can do now is cry....

Conference networking

Why do so many people have a hard time networking at conferences? Isn't that the reason we're all told to go? And no matter how hard people try, most trainees I've talked to always feel like they're wasting their time talking to whoever is next to them. Why is that?

I suppose part of the problem is that everyone expects immediate returns from networking. While that may rarely happen, networking is more of a long-term investment than that. You're not going to get a job offer because you chatted with someone over a buffet table. But they may remember you when it comes time to look for abstract reviewers.

Or, if you're bold, you can follow-up when it makes sense. Quick examples - when an assay doesn't work, when you have an interesting piece of data that may fit with someone else's data, when you hear information that may be interesting to someone, when you like someone's talk. I have sent video links that stemmed from a conversation I had with a Nobel laureate about my kid's education. I've sent information about new aquariums to members of the Academy, and corresponded with Senators about healthcare reform. I've also emailed an NIH director I met at a workshop wishing him luck when he announced he was heading back to academia.

Remember as you network that everyone at these meetings is looking to make connections. They just might not know that they want to connect to you. Your job is to be nice, humble, and honest. If a connection happens, it should be organic and not forced.

Which is also why I never look at someone's name badge until AFTER I start talking to them. Yes, I talk to the old guard. But I also talk to their trainees, their techs. I've even gotten information about grant opportunities from conference security. My approach to networking is to gather information, but also listen to what people are saying. I never ignore people and often start working a room by chatting to someone who is acting like a wallflower. Many times they appreciate the gesture and open up. Or introduce me to their friends.

I am fearless in what I'll go to - I've gone to conferences as the only representative from my university and have no problem being in a room where I don't know a soul. Strangely, some of my best personal and professional contacts have come when I start the night not knowing anyone, but end the night dancing at a bar with a group of new friends. Most importantly, I'm not shy about asking for, and listening to, advice from those that have come before me.

Bottom line - get off your butt and just do it. Yes, it will be awkward. But that's OK. Everyone knows it's hard, and very few people are good at meeting new people until they practice. Therefor, my advice is to practice early and often. Eventually it'll get better.

And you may even benefit professionally.

I feel like a fraud

I've encountered a problem that I didn't dare think I would ever encounter. The problem of success. Or more specifically the problem of having no F'ing idea WTH you're doing, and yet somehow getting accolades for it.

Here's the scenario. It starts when you ask for more info on a post-doc posting and end up getting an interview. The only info I was asking for was if I would need  to start ASAP 'cause I couldn't start until 7 months later. Yes, I mentioned I was currently funded, but I'm not sure if I ever even sent over my CV.... 

I approached the interview with absolutely no pressure. I knew it was in a drastically new field, but didn't care.  I presented what I did and what I knew, and let them judge. If they liked it, great. If not, no harm - I got more experience summing up over 10 years of research in less than 40 minutes. Not to mention the great students and staff I met during my visit. I've occasionally been accused of being a networking whore, and this was no exception. I walked away with 12 business cards, 4 new linkedIn contacts and countless good conversations. 

Apparently my interview went well - I was offered the position the next day. I even negotiated for almost 7k more than was originally offered. Although that was more reflective of the original offer than any negotiating skill on my part....

Then over the summer, I was asked if I wanted to write a small internal grant (50k x 2 years) before I started. I agreed and spent about a week learning all about my new field. We came up with a concept and produced a fairly good proposal, and then I went back to trying to finish the project I was working on.

Yesterday, something happened that I honestly didn't think would ever happen. I got the grant. 

And the office celebrated with me. With cake. And laughing. And congratulatory emails. And it was nice. Momentarily. I couldn't help but feel like I didn't deserve the grant or accolades. Because my heart wasn't totally in it and I still don't know what I'm doing....

I'm going to try and shake that feeling and just do what I do. Get paid to play at work. Explore the unknown, and learn that there is a lot I don't know. And that's OK. I hope. I know it's pretty common to feel like an imposter at my career stage, but I had no idea how bad it felt. I only wish I know how to shake the feeling.