Wednesday, May 25, 2011

What day is it today?

Hmmm, I'm getting a bit worried about burnout, which is pretty sad seeing as my career hasn't really even started. I'm fairly used to juggling multiple projects/family events, but lately I've started to lose track of things.

It started with a perpetually elongating to-do list. I have the best intentions of actually doing some of the stuff on the list, but alas, there's never enough time in the day. And I'm not even talking about the big stuff - I haven't had an oil change in 6 months and it took me 3 months to replace a door after I decided it needed to be done. Work stuff is generally getting done, but more on a prioritized schedule. If it ain't due immediately or will directly benefit me, it sits. And sits. Until I'm told I need to do something about it. From what I've heard this is actually a valuable time-management skill most professors eventually adopt.

The only problem is that I've now become so accustomed to having things piled up that I've become numb to guilt and the nagging voices in my head that used to warn me how guilty I'd feel if I forgot something. Which is OK when it's getting the rDNA certification for the lab refreshed, but not so great when it's your nephews birthday. Because without the nagging, I honestly forgot what day it was. Both what day of the week and what the date of the party was.

I'm an idiot. An absent-minded idiot.

Should I take this as affirmation of my career choice? Maybe I'll fit in as a professor after all....

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

No traction

Writing, writing, writing, yet I don't seem to be getting anywhere.

I know I'm a process writer and tend to go through a ton of revisions before I'm happy, but this is getting ridiculous.... I've always thought of myself as a good writer, either of fiction or more technical material, but I've never had writer's block this bad. If only I could break out of this funk before the grant is due (19 days, but who's counting).

Maybe a music shake-up will help.



Hoping for some inspiration, some illumination.... Why not turn to troubadour, traveler and tacit political activist Henry Rollins.....

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Cart before the horse

Why do grant administrators require a budget one month before the grant is due? And before any of the science is completed? So now, instead of having a good chunk of real work done, I have a budget. That will be adjusted. Repeatedly.....

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Kindness of strangers

I grew up in the Midwest, land of good neighbors, but I am always amazed when people you don't know go out of their way to help you. I'm a senior (read: old) postdoc and finally decided to bite the bullet and write a K99. Great. Easy-peasy, lemon-squeezy, right? Wrong.

Having decided to start, I realized I had no idea where to start. I've written my share of grants, from small society postdoc awards to writing the majority of an R01 (and serving as grants administrator), but man is this one is tough. It's not that it's a big grant, because although it does cover 5 years and is kinda like a mini R01, my problem is that no one at my institution really knows what the hell it is, much less how to write one.

Enter the stranger. I've been looking for online help for a little while now and was blown away when I recently asked, and received a copy of someone's recent K99 application. If I'd known the person it wouldn't have been a big deal. Or even if I was just loosely associated with the person (I also got a copy of a new faculty members application).

Instead, I was essentially an anonymous voice asking for help. Not quite as dramatic as a cry for help in a barren wasteland, but I was emotionally getting kinda desperate.And I got a response within an hour.

Thank you.

Monday, May 2, 2011

In the news

Some may call this un-American, but I won't be celebrating Osama Bin Laden's demise.

Yes, it is historic, and yes he did a lot to hurt America. But he is still a man. When I hear of people cheering and raising a pint to celebrate his death, I shake my head and am forced to consider the parallels between these images and those of Muslims celebrating the collapse of the World Trade Center. Somewhere lost in our hatred of what Osama Bin Laden stood for is the fact that his life just ended.

At the risk of exposing my bleeding heart, I acknowledge that when I face death (either personally or in the news) I pause for reflection. Many times I am struck by some aspect of a person's personal triumph over their situation or how precious life is. But in this case, I have to ask the following question - what did this death accomplish? Can we, as a county now say that we won the war on terror? Will Obama now be praised for his toughness and not called to produce his University report cards? Were the thousands of lives, both American and foreign, worth it? Only time will tell.....