After all my promises to keep blogging through the pain of grant applications, research and other job responsibilities, I failed. Failed to not only write about my experiences, but also failed in keeping some semblance of sanity.
While I feel guilty about it, I didn't know what else to do. I was (and to some degree am still) so burned out that I simply couldn't wrap my brain around the concept of writing in my free time. Hell, I'd be happy if I could sleep in my "free time."
But I'm attempting to turn the page and move on. Partially because I think putting my thoughts down will be therapeutic, but mainly because I feel more in control now. I still have a shit-ton of work to do, and my list of things to do keeps growing. But at least I am able to complete some items and check them off the list.
Part of my attitude change comes from dividing my projects into smaller pieces so I'm able to pat myself on the back when I get something done. While that may be a somewhat telling of my psyche right now, I gotta do what I gotta do. And crossing things off a list feels a hell of a lot better than having a list that includes things like 1) put together job application portfolio, 2)write a K99, 3) finish a book chapter 4) write two review articles, 5) do cool research.
I'm now happy with simply getting an outline on paper. Finishing a draft. Sending documents out for others to review. Small, incremental steps though they may be, at least I'm moving forward.